Oooh, Girl

I am in trou-ble.

It hot last night at the movie show

I haven't worn white since my wedding.

I want to marry Eugene Hutz and spend the rest of my life listening to his broken English.

And as the boy scouts learn to read between the lines
The silver rabbits hop between their fathers' lies
And boy scouts ask "Where? Where do they go?"
They go to the country that they only know

Today is a good fucking day.

It's True

I've tried to be dutiful to the lovers we could have been.

It sure does break my heart to say this

But I think it's time to head South.

This is how I used to feel. And I cannot decide the fact that I no longer feel like this is empowering or doubly heartbreaking.


Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Thank you, W.H. Auden

Actual Text Message Exchange With My Little Sister That I Do Not Recall

3:14 AM (sister): FMOSS 3*, get it?
3:14 AM (moi): Yes!! Fmoss 3*! Ohh, Kevin.
3:15 AM (sister): YES!!!!!




*For those of you who are unschooled and less nerdy than the sisters Long, this is a Daria reference. From the episode where they take a field trip to an epic shopping center and the football player Kevin attempts to remember their parking location by making a word out of "f" "moss" and "3." Fmoss 3. Of course. Ahem.

Just So You Know

This is the face I will make behind your back when you bring in cherry chip cupcakes to the office. Judas!

Things You Should Know About Me

When I was 12, I wrote a very harrowing and dramatic short story about a redheaded young woman named Chloe who fell in love with an African man named Bala. This short story was largely inspired by Christopher Pike's "Spellbound."

Seriously, Guys?

This is what you leave your wife for? I just..look. My heart is healing and my gait is strong. BUT COME ON.

A Warm Welcome

Jaw bone, it's good to see you again.

Just So You Know

This is my mother's face.

Just So You Know

This is the series of faces I make when you sext (yes, I said it) me that you want to dehumanize me.

Clearly, sir, you have never worked in publishing.

Just So You Know

Wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. I feel like I'm fucking IN LOVE. With MYSELF. Look at the face! Look at the stupor of serenity! Give me a puddle to jump in!

give it to me easy

You know those kinds of days where the air is really clean-feeling and you step outside and think that the ensuing day might end up being wonderful or a tiny bit dangerous or just...epic? Like, you have your best shoes on and your hair looks good and it's go time.

Man! I kind of miss that. Never knowing if you are going to meet someone or have an adventure.

Maybe those days are just gone. It's this weather. It's just warm enough to keep me from shivering, but not hot enough to sweat. Once I break a sweat, the spell will be broken. Until them, I'll be dreaming of all of you.

never for money, always for love

I heard birds this morning and it was so oddly nice. I feel buoyant today, and mildly sad. I'm craving the late 90s. I want to rock out in my Corsica with friends from high school and sleep in a twin bed in that decrepit farmhouse I grew up in and all of it.

was it love or fear of the cold?

I soaked my feet in a puddle outside my apartment today and the air smelled crispy, kind of like celery but not as spicy. Good things are coming, but they are are coming slow. I get jealous a lot lately. I want a baby and a man and to live in Brazil and to have clothes that my cats haven't peed on. I sure do want a lot, for someone who has so much.

And my boobs are getting sad because I'm losing weight. I'll miss you, friends.

don't tell me anything at all

Choosing to stand and deliver is hard. And scary. I could have left or moved into my parent's attic or just disappeared. But I stayed and built a new life, got another job. I made new traditions. And sometimes I am fucking sad, and I don't wash my hair and yeah, my boots are beat to shit. But I have chosen to stand and deliver. With each month, the debt recedes and my life gets a little more real. I'm still the best. My will will launch a thousand ships, still and yet. I will take what's mine, in my own time.

like a ship at ocean, like a ship at sea

I know how most things will end, even if I am not sure how they will begin.

Just So You Know

My heart is broken and I am doing the best that I can.

Just So You Know

I don't know what you look like anymore.

Also? My purse smelled like my grammy's house last night and I thought maybe I was dying.