Today Is A Good Day

Today, I don't mind so much that you are divorcing me. That you cut me out of your life after I built you and bought you socks and got you that fucking amp and went to every single one of your shows even when the band was shitty. I don't mind so much.

Yesterday? I minded a lot. I cried and cried, probably more in those 24 salty hours than I have in the 16 days since you told me you were leaving me because I'm mean and you just can't do it any more.

If you called me today and told me it was all a mistake, I would take you back in a heartbeat and the moment your skin touched mine, I would know it was a mistake and there I would be again. In that fucking marriage with you.

I have talked to you every day for the last six years and now you are so gone, so so so gone. And I just miss you so much. I miss you being there and hearing you and yeah even yelling at you. I miss that. I miss knowing that someone loved me, except let's face it. I never really knew that. I knew you loved music and I knew that you loved me taking care of you, taking care of things. You loved smoking pot, I know that. But me? I'm not sure how you ever really felt about me.

Those rings I took off and still look at everyday, well they protected me. They were a wall, bands of safety. They told the world someone loved me, it didn't matter how bad my hair looked or how much weight I gained, or the fact that basically I was going insane. It didn't matter because I had those rings and that meant I had you.

I still have the rings, yeah, but you are so so so gone. I wish you had let me have my fancy anniversary dinner. I wish I could have kissed you one more time. I wish that I hadn't been wrong.

Just So You Know

I will never be there again to see you play guitar.

Everything you are wearing, I bought for you.

I am still feeling for my rings and crying myself to sleep.

This is not as hard as I thought it would be.

This is harder than I thought it would be.

I will let you go. It is not what I want. It's what you want. And I have always given you what you want.

It's Your LIttle Red Wagon

My husband is divorcing me. My husband is divorcing me. My husband is divorcing me.

I have to keep telling myself this so I don't call him by a pet name or buy him something at the grocery store or put on my wedding rings.

My husband is divorcing me. It's a done deal, my friends.

I have loved him for so long.

And now? It's just details. Debt. My name. His things, my things. Even though we have no children, I always thought of us a family and he thought of our marriage as a millstone, some kind of obstacle to his becoming.

There was nothing I wouldn't do. No lengths I wouldn't go to.

As bad as it was at times, as empty and scarred as I felt, I never would have walked away from him. I would continue to try, every day, to unlock him. To make him into a real live boy. To light a fire in him, to inspire him to reciprocate.

Someone I love is dying, and I can't save them. That's what my heart is telling me. Someone is dying.

I thought I had been heartbroken before, but those in retrospect were just bruises. I am heartbroken. I am out of my mind.

Just So You Know

I hate that you don't love me, too.

Straight To You

I've decided to stay married. To stop thinking about what could be and what should have been and just...live my life. Be his wife, be the person I meant to be. I don't know what happened to me or why I couldn't stop it. I don't know why I still let these old ghosts haunt me. This is a life I never meant. I know that. I made promises I intend to keep. I made mistakes I know I can change.

Just So You Know

I idolize my father because he's a fucking saint.

Just So You Know

I am a fucking rock star.