And oh, man, are there some messes out there. I married one of them. I got him all cleaned up and good to go, and go he did. Now I see him out with his girlfriend in clothes I bought and I have to pretend that I am very progressive and modern, and I don't want to tear every hair out of every follicle on their bodies. Because I totally do.
And this whole single girl thing? I guess I would call it a wonderful drag. Because on the one hand, I'm nobody's sweetheart. And on the other...well, I'm nobody's sweetheart. There is no one to notice that I haven't had toilet paper in my place for like 4 days, but there is also no one to go buy it but me and damn, that's a drag.
And there's this whole casual sex thing, which I still don't get. The showing of the vagina is a big deal to me - preferably a drunk deal, but whatever - and it's even more sticky when the object of your affection has a girlfriend and ends up in jail. I mean - how does the second date go? Does it happen? What constitutes a date, anyway? An orgasm? Split appetizers?
My perception of fidelity is sort of mangled these days. I'm willing to admit that. I mean, you can't hold fidelity in your hands. You can't make someone be faithful. They can promise you, but they might be lying. Or they might change their minds. Maybe they just don't know what that means, to you or to themselves.
Me, I'm just tired of doing the right thing and having it blow up in my face. That, too, is a drag. I'm going to do what feels right to me, in my beady little heart. And right now, that means taking what I want - for the most part. I mean, today I wanted to call in to work and spend the day taking adderall and making lists of people I hate. But I'm going to do that later because you have to prioritize, even when you are in a very, very dark place.
And I am in a very, very dark place. But I'm also having a great time! Which is the weird thing. It's an equal mix of murderous and merriment. Kind of like the holidays, I guess.
