The Thing About That Is, Is That You're Wrong

I accept that my marriage is over.

I was always a very supportive spouse, and that has not changed. That will not change until the day I get my name back, because I am very serious about the vows I took. I will honor my husband, even during the dissolution of our marriage. This is not easy, but it is very important to me.

I asked him to leave, because seeing him in our place and hearing him leave for work without kissing me goodbye was incredibly painful. It was very difficult not to kiss him, hold his hand, make sure everything was okay with him. So, I asked him to leave. And he did. Begrudgingly and with a really shitty look on his face, but he did.

I collect his mail. I make sure he gets his paycheck. I have not destroyed any of his belongings, even the $50 Eels LP that I bought for him. I fantasize about running a lighter down just one side of the record, rendering it COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS. But I'm not going to do that, because our marriage meant more to me than that and I am a lady.

I encourage him to see his therapist, his doctor. Ask if he needs gas money. I help him pick out a new cellphone.

All of this to say: why do you have to be such a dick when I am giving you what you want? You want a fucking divorce, you are getting one. I have given you everything you ever wanted and I hate to say this, but you're acting a little ungrateful. Just leave me alone and divorce me. I don't want to fight with you. I know that you hate me, because you keep saying I HATE YOU and trust me, I got it. You fucking hate me. You tell me you hate me, you tell our friends you hate me. It's beginning to get awkward, and here's why: You keep telling everyone I'm a monster, but you are looking more and more like a monster everyday. So people are confused, you know? What are they to think?

You have chosen to share the intimate details of our marriage with your friends and family. I have chosen to, um, not do that. I'm not trying to hide any of my transgressions or make myself seem any better than I am. I'm fantastic. I'm also a very private person and I don't think it's anyone's business what our marriage was, or wasn't. In fact, no one will ever know what we had except for you and me. And that's the name of that tune.

Just remember this, darling husband of mine. You broke your last promise to me. And that is shameful.