Can't Stand Being Home

And I can't stand being gone.

Lately, all I want to do is sit alone in my filthy apartment and listen to the quiet. I feel kind of hemmed in by the cold and my own accumulating inertia. I think I am my best when I am alone, but I know that's not true. I am best when I am around people I love and that love can reflect all around the room. This secret side of me is not working. I feel torn between the part of me that believes hard work is the measure of life and the part of me that just wants more. More money, more time, nicer towels. But my heart is still joyful and I am still pretty fucking stoked to be alive.