I have a Post-It note on my desk that says, "Deliver and this will pass." The purpose of this note is to inspire me to do what I have to do, to have faith that eventually the fog will clear and I will feel joyful/creative/clarity/something other than despair or inertia.
I am having a hard time delivering lately, both personally and professionally. I'm tired and confused. I don't understand why the world works the way that it does and I want someone to explain it to me. I want to be happier inhabiting my own flesh. I want to have less flesh. I want to comfort myself without alcohol, food, sex. I want to be a real person.
And I just don't know how. I reckon at some point I did, but then there were all these motions and I was going through them. And here I am. I don't know what to do about any of it.
I want someone to tell me everything is going to be okay. I once actually Googled, "Am I going to be okay?" but no satisfactory results came up. I wish that I could have faith that I will slay my demons. That I will deliver, and this will pass. But I feel really lost lately and quite frankly, I think I am I liar. I don't believe a word I say.
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